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Alice2

A few laughs

3 posts in this topic

Did you hear about the overweight, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban,
beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

 

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's
hope it's not the 13th then."

 

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover
the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.

 

Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it
gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

 

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest
I only intended to rough him up a bit.

 

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...

 

IT'S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S A BOY"
And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai
brothel!!!

 

An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan ! He is making
land mines that look like prayer mats! It's doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!!

 

A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, f@@k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!

 

Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or
my sexy body?'
Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!

 

An elderly couple are attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans
over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you
think I should do?'
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

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