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Cliffhangers


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#1 jordy'smom

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Posted 21 April 2008 - 09:22 PM

Are you a budding writer just waiting to be discovered?
Or are you better at one-liners?
Do you have a sense of humour?
A sense of adventure?
Do you like suspense?
Do you like to make others laugh?
Or are you just a bit bored and would like to try something different?

If you answered yes even to one of these questions, you qualify to help create a story which hopefully will be good for a laugh. "Cliffhangers" is not a new idea, but let's add some funny photos to it, and YOU could be in the story or YOUR PET, maybe even SISTER SARAH'S PINK BLOOMERS! And if you have a COCKNEY ACCENT (hint! hint!) or a HILLBILLY ACCENT (hint! hint!) or a SOUTHERN ACCENT (hint! hint!), that's even better. The story can take us anywhere and the theme can change with each new writer. The more outrageous, the better! The idea is that I will begin a story and then leave you with a cliffhanger, and someone will come along and pick up where I left off, carrying on to another cliffhanger, etc. I think it has the potential for a lot of laughs, once we get going. The main thing is to have fun, so COME ON ALL YOU GALS IN THE GOOD MORNING THREAD, AND ALL THE OLD FAITHFULS ~ BILLIE, RUTH, THE KIWIS AND ANYONE ELSE WATCHING FROM THE SIDELINES, let's get the ball rolling for some rollicking good fun.

SHALL WE BEGIN?



The road stretched ahead of her. She was grateful it was empty. as she picked up speed. Sister Sarah had been called out on a mission of mercy and she had no time for dodging traffic. She was going as fast as she dared, when she rounded a bend in the road, and lo and behold ...




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#2 Gill

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Posted 21 April 2008 - 10:58 PM

there was a large termite mound right in the middle of the road. Sister Sarah tried to avoid the pile at all cost. She swerved and tripped upon...





#3 mary rose

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Posted 21 April 2008 - 11:12 PM

two ant eaters who were having a conversation in the middle of the road, as you know they can talk. they were discusssing how they were going to divvy up all those yummy termites and one said. where are you going in such an all fire hurry and Sarah said.....

#4 Cathi

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 12:32 AM

"I's got me's a mission to fofail and ain't got nos time to dally round and hare now ya'll have done trepped me up and I's lost my 'mentum." So the anteaters, feelin quite sorrowful for Sister Sarah, got an ideer. "Sister Sarah, since we uns is the ones who done this hare thing to ya, wa're going to hep you out. Now wa're goin' to fail up our nosies hare with all these great turmates. Then when we do, you's get yerself back on those thar wheels of yorn and get started on down that road thar. When ya git yur speed up sum, wa're goin' to blow out our noses hind ya with such a pow'r that it will blast ya fer miles!"

So Sister Sarah thought that being right kind of them thar long nosed fellers, said "Yahoo! Let's do it!" So she took off once agin and just as she was really gainin' some speed and wonderin' when it was goin' ta happen - KABOOM!!! Sounded just like a



and then.....






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#5 Gill

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 01:46 AM

and then after flying in the air a few feet landed head first onto a passing horse and cart, the cart driver said' "Whoa! don't you go upsetting me delivery now,Sister. What on earth do you think you doing bringing all them termites with you...

to that Sister Sarah said...



#6 jordy'smom

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 12:06 PM

"Never you mind those termites. I'm getting nowhere fast and I have no time for chitchat." Poor Sister Sarah was feeling quite desperate, wondering how on earth she would ever get where she was going now that both her legs were broken. Just when all seemed hopeless, she heard a great thunderin sound in the distance, and there coming at a full gallop were Ruth and Heather on the backs of sheep.



"Come one, Sister! We'll take you where you're going."

So Sister Sarah held on to the fleece with all of her might and off they went, but just as the flock of sheep went to cross a bridge that was too narrow ......

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#7 Sister Sarah

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 12:30 PM


Sister Sarah got stuck and try as she might she could not get through that bridge with two broken legs and an overweight sheep. So she jumps of the sheep and tries to make it on her own two broken limbs and ends up going ass over kettle down over the bank. Needless to say she ends up in the hospital ....but there was no spare beds in the emergency ward so they had to put her into the Maternity ward , where Muvver Roof Superior was in charge......
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#8 Sister Sarah

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 12:50 PM

Muvver Roof showed Sister Sarah some of the newborns but when she saw this one she exclaimed : "Oh Muvver Roof, can I keep him? He is so cute with the white hair and the fuzzy chin." But Muvver roof knew that was not a good idea so Sister Sarah sat in her bed and cried cause she so wanted a baby billy goat. Just then, through the door comes a lady in a red hat.......... laugh.gif
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#9 Gill

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 02:55 PM

the lady in the red hat exclaimed "Hold on there woman with a habit. Don't you go teaching my Billy some bad habits.

"Rumour has it you didn't break your legs at all in that cart,you just wanted to get in here to get your hands on one of these infants,typical of your sort" she shook her head in dismay. All the people in the ward were staring at her.

Sister Sarah's mouth dropped, she put her hands on her hips and .....



#10 Pat

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 03:18 PM

tried to figure out what she might do next. Being quick of mind, (as we know she is), it occurred to her that since her legs were really not broken, perhaps she could get out of here if only she could get rid of that lady with the red hat, find some suitable attire, she could....

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#11 irishimp

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 04:07 PM

Lady in Red Hat....indeed! It was none other than the one that got Sister Sarah into this mess in the first place....her dear Billie Jay, Sister Sarah had her little baby Billy Goat and thought it best to leave him at the hospital where he would be taken care of , but after seeing his sweet little face (so much like his handsome Father) she knew she couldn't do it, so with the baby tucked under her skirt she hitched herself up on Billie Jay's shoulders....covered him with her habit (good Job he is not very tall) and they made a run....


#12 irishimp

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 04:17 PM

Repeat

#13 Sister Sarah

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 08:06 PM


.....For the nearest bus terminal. The lady in the red hat was actually "Late Bloomer" and she worked for Social Services. Late Bloomer was no slacker...she knew where they were headed.
Meanwhile, back in Ohio "Rosie" was out a'huntin' possum on thet ther back forty acres of hern..... cool.gif

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#14 Gill

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 08:08 PM

for it...Sr Sarah looked back and saw Muvver Roof Superior in her usual position in front of computer...


she's not bothered 'bout me,muttered Sr Sarah under her breath.

Holding the bundle firmly against her Sr Sarah ran down an alley way and "OOPS!!" she exclaimed,"Oh...

#15 jordy'smom

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 08:47 PM

There, seated at a table at an outdoor cafe, was the lady in the red hat, and what was even worse, she was with another lady in a red hat.




Oh dear me, wailed Sister Sarah as she clutched her precious billie goat to her. "They will surely take him away from me, I musn't let them see me!"



She veered down another alley, past a critter in a red hat standing at a bus stop. "What!", she exclaimed, "not another red hat!" "I see red hats everywhere, they're coming to get me!"

Meanwhile back in Ohio, Rosie has just gone into the outdoor privy when all of a sudden.......


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#16 irishimp

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 09:17 PM

The door flew open and out ran Rosie with Donna's pink bloomers around her ankles, followed close behind by a ........




Back at the Maternity ward Muvver Roof is having a TIZZY FIT wondering where.....




#17 jordy'smom

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 09:50 PM

QUOTE (irishimp @ Apr 22 2008, 09:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The door flew open and out ran Rosie with Donna's pink bloomers around her ankles, followed close behind by a ........ jet propelled elephant




Back at the Maternity ward Muvver Roof is having a TIZZY FIT wondering where.....



..... she was going to get another billie to replace the one stolen by that mad hatter Sister Sarah. In the midst of her tizzy fit, she caught sight of something that took her breath away.......


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#18 Sister Sarah

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 11:08 PM


While Muvva Roof is hissy fitten over the baby billy goat, ---Back in Ohio, Rosie is a' puttin on a hooly in the barn. She invites Cathi from Texas and Gill from New Zealand to that thar shindig. While they are a'dancin and whooping it up a knock on the barn door causes everyone to silence. That thar Cathi , bein' the brave one of the bunch, goes to the door. And thar is a Nun with a newborn" billy" and an old billy goat walking along side. The Nun asks Cathi........ rolleyes.gif
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#19 Sister Sarah

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 11:17 PM


"Could me and me two billy's get a corner of your hay loft to spend a couple of nights? We is in deep trouble, cause that old muvva roof has a nanny goat dressed up in earrings and necklaces and they is comin' after us...." So Cathi says...... rolleyes.gif
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#20 mary rose

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 12:59 AM

waa sure, we has all kind of billys here, we has hilbillys, we has old billys , new billys, waa we even has billy beer, just get yerself a spot ,otta the dancin we got going on here and be mighty careful there of thesein .....

#21 jordy'smom

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 08:58 AM

In addition to all of Cathi's critters she kept, she had also started a B & B, where there was always room for one more. She was known far and wide for her Texas hospitality. Jordy and his mom had arrived earlier, and were now tucked up in bed reading bedtime stories.



Just as Jordy's mom went to put out the light, all #$%# broke loose in the room next door.....

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#22 Pat

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 11:02 AM

And...you won't believe this but it was a genteel lady from England demanding to know what was going on...AND inquiring as to the whereabouts of a certain rogue named, "Billie Jay". Also, in that room was none other than that bedraggled Sister who....

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#23 Sister Sarah

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 11:15 AM


was chasing mice across the floor .The sister decided to call on Pat and her cat Zippy to chase out the mice. While in the next room Jordy heard the comotion and wanted to help out so he came crashing through the door in his 'superman" outfit , ready for action. Just then Pat lets out a scream....
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#24 irishimp

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 11:23 AM

and with that a sheepish Sister Sarah runs from the room wrapped in a bed sheet while the cowardly Billie Jay made his exit from the room through the....


#25 jordy'smom

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 11:38 AM

...window, just as Gill drifts by on her dandilion bicycle.




The sheepish Billie Jay begs Gill for a ride, but she leaves him in the lurch. He must now fend for himself in a foreign land, but how ...

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#26 irishimp

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 12:41 PM

will his wings work...will he get to the bottom of the cliff safely or will it be a......



#27 jordy'smom

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 12:41 PM

As luck would have it, along comes another cyclist on a bicycle built for two, and is only too pleased to take Billie for a ride (so to speak).



She has a sinister looking grin on her face as she picks him up, and off they go leaving a cloud of dust behind them. Will Billie Jay ever be heard of again?

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#28 irishimp

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 02:22 PM

When Billie Jay finds out what the Grinning Gal has in store for him he will only be too glad to jump off that Cliff......Holy Cow! now what is that on the ....

#29 jordy'smom

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 04:08 PM

... horizon? A small figure can be seen in the distance approaching Billie. He is calling out to Billie to wait, he has an important message for him. Billie is just about to take the plunge, but this sounds serious. Oh dear, what to do? Billie doesn't want that madcap woman on the bike to realize he jumped off, he really should try his wings and fly, but this message does sound important.



"Oh blimey!" says Billie in disgust, as he spreads his wings and takes to the air....

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#30 irishimp

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 05:06 PM

Candidates Obama & Clinton point at an asteroid about to impact the earth. It turned out to be hot air displaying a likeness of ...could it be...is it?....



#31 jordy'smom

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 07:45 PM

OH NO! IT IS!!!!!! Things are not going well at all for poor Billie. It seems he has collided with a plane and has lost his wings. Somebody get a net, somebody get a net! There was panic across the land, as poor Billie ........


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#32 irishimp

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 08:22 PM

Is headed for Davy Jones Locker, someone call for the Lifesavers...

don't need a net.....A Surf board and a few feathers in the right places was all that was needed to keep.......




#33 Sister Sarah

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 10:07 PM


....the poor lad afloat. In fact he was having so much fun on the ocean that he had no intention of going back to the USA with those crazy women. And especially that one who was accusing him of something quite shocking. He would liked to have stayed at that barn dance of Rosies, but things were getting a bit hot for him there. Just then Billy looked down and found a part of his surf board was missing; "Oh no" he cried in anguish, what ......
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#34 jordy'smom

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 10:36 PM

These must be shark infested waters. Billie only had one chance to save himself. He had to make a flying leap onto the beach before he was devoured. With the help of a gigantic wave coming his way, he catapulted onto the beach, and there waiting for him was.....


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#35 Gill

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 11:46 PM

the blonde kiwi Edif, waiting with a hovercraft to take him far away.

They were in the air and away,Edif saw on her computer screen all the ladies and men running to the waters edge,they could not see the hovercraft.

'ever picked up the piece of the surf board and said...




#36 mary rose

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Posted 24 April 2008 - 12:39 AM

Billy Jay, Billy Jay, to the right , to the right and as Billie looked to the left, as you know Billie suffers from dyslexia, to his wonder he sees.....

#37 Gill

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Posted 24 April 2008 - 12:46 AM

all the women fall on the knees wailing at the loss of such a gallant gentleman as he.

'ever (Heather) not one to muck about,'Right every one on your feet!' No time for fretting,we need another tour mascot...at that all the women stood and dusting off their clothes,a wide grin appeared on each of their faces at the thought of another ....


#38 mary rose

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Posted 24 April 2008 - 01:12 AM

gallant, handsome, sturdy young man such as Billie, but they were stumped as to where to find one, and then 'ever all at once, she is the smart one, jumped up and said I know what we can do......

#39 jordy'smom

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Posted 24 April 2008 - 09:15 AM



And 'Ever,
in all her wisdom declared,
"We can have a new beginning"!



THE END

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#40 Sister Sarah

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Posted 24 April 2008 - 12:58 PM

"EVER" NINGENT TURTLE

The sun is shining bright across this distant Isle. The tour bus slows to a crawl as the traffic is moving at a snail's pace.
Cricket and Mary Lou along with Rosie,Pat and Gill are gazing in wonderment at the beautiful scenery. They had been saving their money for a long time in order to take this trip and did not want to miss a thing.
Just as the bus rounded the corner, there in the middle of the road was a giant turtle, and who was riding on top but our friend , "Ever". It seems that MGM was shooting a movie there and "Ever" and her handsome turtle were the stars.
Just then, without warning......

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#41 jordy'smom

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Posted 24 April 2008 - 01:14 PM

'Ever jumped off the back to check under the shell. Sure enough! Her trusty little companion was at the wheel, steering the tortoise across the road.




'Ever wanted to make sure they didn't end up as road kill, which is why a "driver" was employed to propel the tortoise in the right direction, and at a good speed. Tortoises, left to their own devices, just might not make it.

As they approached the water's edge, an amazing thing happened .....


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#42 Gill

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Posted 24 April 2008 - 01:49 PM


Lonesome Geoge came ambling along and said, "What are you doing with MY wife?" he charged at the other turtle and ...




#43 happycanuk

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Posted 24 April 2008 - 05:29 PM



Knowing Evers kitty didn't like the water, the lady turtle turned and started up the hill in the direction of her "husband". All was well, and then out of the blue.............

FeelingGood-Dog-D.gif


I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.
I just wish he didn't trust me so much.
- Mother Teresa


#44 mary rose

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Posted 24 April 2008 - 06:30 PM

here rambles another turtle right behind George, of the female persuasion, crowdng close to George, if you know what I mean. Now Ever figured there was gonna be big trouble and so she.....

#45 Billie Jay

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Posted 24 April 2008 - 06:42 PM

.
ROUNDED UP BILLY JAY (WHO HAD BEEN GIVEN THE WRONG DIRECTIONS) AND WAS ABSOLUTELY 'KNACKERED'
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Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else!